He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
