One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
