Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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