She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
