i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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