You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
