I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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