Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
