I wish I only lived at night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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