did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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