I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When are your genitals available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
