ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
