It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
