i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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