Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
