Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
