dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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