All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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