If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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