Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
