Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
