I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
