How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
