I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
