i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
