He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
