Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
