i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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