He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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