You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Enjoy the penises
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
