I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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