Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
