You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
