I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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