It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
