you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
