so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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