I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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