I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
