I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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