Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
