I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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