Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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