How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
