my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
