my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
