So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
