Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
