so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
