I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
