my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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