I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
