Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
